ten & ten

i’ve pulled two tens the last two days, and while their messages initially seemed completely opposite, the more i wrestle with them, the more i see a common theme. yesterday i had no time to spend with my cards, but before i rushed off to jury duty i pulled the ten of cups. a lovely card that seemed timely – being on a jury is mostly about being fair and just, but i think it’s also important to recognize kindness and compassion for all parties involved, as well as staff and other jurors. and with so many of my friends and family dealing with tremendous stress and anxiety and confusion at the moment, i took this card as a strong reminder to reflect love and positivity back towards the people i care about, even if it’s a struggle.

ten-of-cups

this is such a beautiful, holistic card – i love that it so clearly shows giving and receiving, reflecting back light and color in an even, continuous way. i really like this depiction, particularly as a queer woman who’s not interested in having children. it seems that so many versions of this card feature a heteronormative family, with children and love and the whole “fairy-tale ending.” but for me, my happiness is not defined by my romantic relationships, and having children is not the ultimate goal for my life. i really appreciate that the wild unknown tarot instead focuses on energy, reflecting positivity, and finding fulfillment in multiple places and channels, whether that’s through family or community.

and then today, i get the most melodramatic card i know: the ten of swords.

ten-of-swords

how much suffering can someone handle before they completely break down? there are so many swords impaling this poor bull that it moves past real tragedy and into the realm of the absurd. a few bloggers that i really love refer to this card as completely over the top, so much as to be laughable – and i have to admit that i did laugh when i pulled this card today. after being instructed to reflect love and send out good vibes into the world yesterday, today’s card reminds me not to get in my head or make things more difficult than they need to be. so what if a conversation i had two months ago didn’t go exactly as i’d hoped? so what if i made a mistake at a job six months ago and know that i could’ve done better? so what if i said something dumb to someone two years ago and still feel foolish about it? obsessing over these tiny pieces of my life – ones that have had little to no lasting impact on my career or personal life – isn’t productive in literally any way. i need to truly focus on the positive, and let all the negative things go. i can’t change things that have happened, but i can learn from it and move forward.

these tens work together beautifully, reminding me that my present community – the family that i have built, that’s inclusive and kind and loves me for exactly who i am, flaws and all – is worth my time and energy, and is worth remaining positive for. all that shit in the past that i can’t stop thinking about? it’s time to let that go, and make room for the good stuff.

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