finding my way back

it’s funny how in some times of upheaval you cling to things that are new, and in other times you discard everything. the last few weeks i really have been avoiding my cards, and i hope to find my way back to them now that i’m settled into a new place. i’ve missed them, quite a bit, but have also not been feeling very introspective. i’ve just wanted to be alone, to focus on all these details and projects and stresses without my cards forcing me to deal with thoughts and feelings that i knew i couldn’t handle. it took me a few minutes to locate my cards, which made me sad. and i can’t even find my notebook with the last eight months of readings and studying and notes. most things are unpacked, but i don’t feel settled – i’m just untethered, floating through the days.six-of-cups

today’s card, because my deck clearly has a sense of humor, is the six of cups.

don’t get me wrong, this is a lovely card. it speaks to joyous memories, the stories we tell ourselves, the roots that have shaped us and strengthened us and given us our foundation. nostalgia, childhood, growth, understanding, the unconscious. the six of cups encourages us to consider where we’ve started, and how far we’ve come. i also feel that the card reminds us to stay grounded, even in our emotions, and to allow ourselves to revel in the strength of our past, no matter what secrets linger there.

but this card can also indicate a need for forgiveness, a clinging to old hurts or scars beyond what’s healthy. other decks feature completely different imagery, and many versions of this card, particularly shadowscapes and druidcraft, seem to highlight a yearning to return to simpler things. i think many interpretations of this card are positive, but there’s a tendency to romanticize the past, to gloss over the pain and hurt that might’ve been present and instead focus on the easier, happier moments. both of these cards feature children, blissfully ignorant of the difficulties and responsibilities of adulthood, but while one card features someone simply gazing in awe and envy at these young, free kids, the other actually shows the dangers of losing yourself to those longings. they’re so caught up in this magical land of play and fantasy that they’re missing the reality around them.

it’s easy to long for simpler days, especially if your childhood was particularly carefree. i had a stable, loving family and material comforts, but was hiding a lot of secrets and pain that i still have to deal with on a daily basis. i don’t miss those days, but i do often consider how to simplify things, and wish for less troubles.

my current worries are all extremely adult right now – finances, a quiet point in my career, the stress of moving, issues with our subletter, concerns about changing friendships – and this card feels like it’s teasing me, reminding me of simpler memories and easier times, encouraging me to stay grounded and focused. but perhaps it’s also reminding me to look deeper, to explore the pieces of what makes me who i am – as well as what has shaped those that are important to me. feeling so lost, like the earth has shifted beneath my feet and i’ve been cut free of all those strong, colorful roots, is perhaps something i can overcome.

flowers blooming in the dark

the cards are so kind. after receiving really wonderful news that someone is applying to take over our lease, freeing us to move as we’ve been dreaming of for months, i pulled a lovely and exhilarating card today: the six of pentacles.

six-of-pentacles

this card always fills me with so much joy, and is a welcome sight. colorful buds burst from the bright branch, illuminating the darkness and in fact, seeming to flourish. after the sadness of the fives, sixes are a turning point, an achievement, a sign that things are improving. and the suit of pentacles feels so concrete and grounded, speaking to resources and the earthly things we deal with on a daily basis. it’s the perfect card for today.

reflecting healing, nurturing, and the good that can come from a challenge, this card is a lovely change after a few days of sadness. the buds on the branch seem to grow and bloom in response to the darkness, taking the difficulties that have come before and turning it into something fresh and strong and beautiful, something that can withstand trials and grief and pain.

in addition to reflecting the events of my past few months, this card also encourages generosity, humility, and kindness. how am i sharing my resources? how can i give back to those who have helped me arrive here? it always encourages me, whether i’m in a place of prosperity or of need, to remember that there is healing in both giving and receiving.