back to the water

something about being by the sea always calms me, makes me feel grounded and whole. and though i’m still having trouble coming to terms with the huge changes in this relationship, am still drowning in regret and embarrassment over speaking up, it’s comforting to be able to go for long walks by the ocean. there’s something freeing in just walking on the beach, no destination in sight, no plan or obligation or schedule to follow. this week is a chance to escape, to recuperate, to try to heal before i have to back to the real world.

the cards are right there with me, giving me the daughter of pentacles as my card for the week. her peaceful energy, her love of exploration and nature, and her ability to accept where she is and not struggle against her mistakes is exactly what i need.

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i often struggle to remain present, instead dreaming of the past or the future. i get lost in regret, in mistakes, in missed opportunities. or i consider what i could do next, how i could get there, and what it would look like. actually just being where i am isn’t always easy – except by the water. there i can simply be, smell the tangy air, enjoy the sand in my toes and the sun in my eyes and the spray in my face. i never tire of the sea. and now that the storms have passed and the clouds are gone, i plan to be outside for as many hours as possible. i don’t want to stare at my phone, hoping for messages that aren’t coming. i don’t want to keep reading the news, seeing how the terrifying monsters that are running our country are trying to tear it apart at its very foundation. i don’t want to stress about the future or obsess about the past.

this week is for me, to unplug and find a way to live in the quiet for a bit. all too soon i’ll have to head back to the city, to difficult situations and complicated relationships and challenging professional decisions. but if i can focus that pentacles energy, let myself simply be here for a bit, hopefully i’ll go back a little stronger, a little more confident, a little more peaceful.

being a water sign is not easy, and my affinity for cups can be a daily challenge. but at times like this, i wouldn’t have it any other way.

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