back to the water

something about being by the sea always calms me, makes me feel grounded and whole. and though i’m still having trouble coming to terms with the huge changes in this relationship, am still drowning in regret and embarrassment over speaking up, it’s comforting to be able to go for long walks by the ocean. there’s something freeing in just walking on the beach, no destination in sight, no plan or obligation or schedule to follow. this week is a chance to escape, to recuperate, to try to heal before i have to back to the real world.

the cards are right there with me, giving me the daughter of pentacles as my card for the week. her peaceful energy, her love of exploration and nature, and her ability to accept where she is and not struggle against her mistakes is exactly what i need.

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i often struggle to remain present, instead dreaming of the past or the future. i get lost in regret, in mistakes, in missed opportunities. or i consider what i could do next, how i could get there, and what it would look like. actually just being where i am isn’t always easy – except by the water. there i can simply be, smell the tangy air, enjoy the sand in my toes and the sun in my eyes and the spray in my face. i never tire of the sea. and now that the storms have passed and the clouds are gone, i plan to be outside for as many hours as possible. i don’t want to stare at my phone, hoping for messages that aren’t coming. i don’t want to keep reading the news, seeing how the terrifying monsters that are running our country are trying to tear it apart at its very foundation. i don’t want to stress about the future or obsess about the past.

this week is for me, to unplug and find a way to live in the quiet for a bit. all too soon i’ll have to head back to the city, to difficult situations and complicated relationships and challenging professional decisions. but if i can focus that pentacles energy, let myself simply be here for a bit, hopefully i’ll go back a little stronger, a little more confident, a little more peaceful.

being a water sign is not easy, and my affinity for cups can be a daily challenge. but at times like this, i wouldn’t have it any other way.

inner light

today’s card is a reminder for peace, calm, finding quiet spaces, and channeling that inner light: the four of swords.

IMG_0291swords can be a stressful suit for me, and the more i work through the elemental aspects the more i understand that air and i just don’t quite fit. something about all that open space, nowhere to hide, the clarity of truth and the forceful nature of wind and storms – it all makes me a bit uneasy. i like my swirling tides and churning waves, feel safer when i can hide in the depths of stormy seas and sink beneath the currents. but i can’t live solely in those mysterious waters – sometimes honesty and openness are the only way to find contentment. and with those big swords hanging overhead, the lamb has to look within herself to find the eye of the storm, has to set her own boundaries and find peace even when everything around her is tense.

we head back home today, after a crazy week in california. there have been some stressful times, some difficult times, some sad times. i don’t feel nearly as rested or relaxed as i hoped to feel, and catching a cold halfway through didn’t help. but i’m grateful to have been able to spend even a few days in one of my favorite places, and thankful to have spent time with family and new friends.¬†IMG_1517

today is a travel day, which are hardly known for being restful or quiet. but as i fly through the air to my home, perhaps i can find some rest, create some moments of peace and calm for myself. i want to be able to learn from each element, rather than wrapping myself up in one and ignoring the rest. my mental space may often be cluttered, may be dark and twisty and confusing, but that doesn’t mean i can just pretend it’s not there. especially after so much stress, it’s critical for me to rest even in tension, to set boundaries for myself so that i can take some deep breaths and find center again.

keep calm & carry on

my cards the last few days have been pretty scattered, giving me a lot of advice on how to approach each day: keep your heart open. stay high energy. listen to your intuition. don’t be afraid of adventures. be passionate. be emotional. be strong. be courageous. (but don’t get too carried away!) rather than my usual general questions, i took a slightly different spin today and asked what kind of energy i should be channeling for myself, and which way i should be moving: and i pulled the emperor.

the-emperor

a strong, full evergreen tree stands tall and alone in the bright daylight, stable and grounded. he offers shelter to those in need, and a steady, calming presence to everyone around him. unlike the empress’ colorful leaves and blossoms, the emperor’s needles are constant throughout all the seasons, weathering every storm. his is a reassuring presence, one that denotes strength, logical, practicality, sensibility, and order. his control¬†and strength is the yang to the empress’ yin, his outward energy harmonizing with her internal mystery and magic.

some of my resources have a lot more difficulty with this card, as he can represent an authoritarian father or ruler, someone that imposes rules and discipline and structure. as a harsh taskmaster or a stern disciplinarian, this card has less appeal – my immediate instinct is to rebel, to fight those rules and regulations, to make my own path. but i think in this case, this more organized, practical approach is best right now – moving is so complicated, and there’s so much swirling around in my head that i can barely focus on any one task. this is definitely a time when being organized, making lists, and following schedules will help me achieve my goals and not lose my damn mind.